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  CHAPTER 14: “Until suddenly, there’s silence, and… I pulled that trigger.”

Emotions Evoked - Reader's Diggest February 12, 2017

CHAPTER 14 – Emotions Evoked

“Until suddenly, there’s silence, and… I pulled that trigger.”

Defining one’s self isn’t as easy as it may appear in the mirror; the shed tears may discourage the true nature of what’s right before and seen as real. Despite what my whole life may have shown the other reflection, I know better.  I am now all and above, content with what’s within.

“Hello”

“Hey”

Chapter 13: “It merely comes from the heart to express the inside of a broken dream, rather a journey pierced with such hatred that in my eye creates a perception of all distraction, when in fact the reality is, It’s all just a misunderstanding.”

It’s dark, in middle of the road, going back home, and the spirits of all evil coming in a stream to take away the only thing I have in life that I may want to live for. I was drunk for the first time.

“You are not going to make it, Zack, why suffer if you can end this”

The picture I had in my mind was seeing me in a dark room and I was all by myself trying to figure out what might happen if I pulled a trigger. My mind is blown out of proportion; my thoughts are now in control of every thought that might cross my mind. All negative thoughts seen as a reflection of the positive. I believed what was never there yet a reflection of my past convinced me otherwise.

“Pull that trigger” whispered a voice.

I thought I was in a room but now it feels like I am somewhere in the middle of nowhere, the same place that I had found myself, I could hear a owl, hooting. I am in desperate need to end it and possibly never ever hear about it.

“Pull that trigger” The voice continued.

I started to cry, a man’s tears like those of a woman, weakened by all life’s threats. I am in need of a persuasive scripture to save me from my thoughts, just when I thought it was dark, it got even darker, and darker, and darker, then suddenly a flash of light from the mysterious fire started burning, and I knelt in front of it.

READ  Prologue - The Introduction [Emotions Evoked]

“Pull that trigger”

Chapter 3: “That singled out moment that even though lies where up roared, not one single inch of animosity would separate me from my humanity.”

Until suddenly, there’s silence, and… I pulled that trigger. There was a long pause, as the bullet slowly escaped from the gun, I could move my head around, confused, trying to figure out what was going on. I felt a gust of wind blowing me away from the bullet; as I slowly fell down, the beer I was holding, slowly fell down. I knelt there on my own, with so much tears in my eyes. I looked up and screamed.

“HELP!!!”

I felt like I had already lost my mind, at times I convinced myself that help was coming my way when at times it felt like it was too late for me. I kept the faith, the strength I had wasn’t enough to hold on, and faith was the only thing to hold on to. I truly was on my own, not because I chose to, nobody chooses a life like that. Nobody wants to be hurt and left alone. We only endure through that path to walk out. I may have thought of extreme measures, I am only glad that I was a coward enough to do it, but I can only have been more of a coward if I had done it.

Finally the bottle reached the floor, and I could see how that glass was broken into pieces. I took one broken glass, squeezed it into my hand, I needed to feel some pain, even that was not enough from what was felt within. I realized then just how much the internal affects us, emotions can make or break you, they decide our feelings, I was there trying to make sense of everything, yet I was as blank as a newly born baby.

READ  CHAPTER 9: "At peace with my soul, the only sentiment that's left of me"

CHAPTER 12: “Challenges and obstacles are to be embraced for the good job they did with me”

I slowly became unconscious, I laid there until my blood clotted and stopped bleeding. I was awakened by the cold weathers; see even then I had nobody. I walked, freezing, and saw an outdoor spigot dripping water, and I washed my hand.

When I arrived at home I don’t know, where it had come from, I felt a slap from behind.

“Where are you from?”

As I turned, it was my other uncle, at 14 few months after my mother’s passing; he wanted to show me who was the man of the house. I had a lot more to deal with, as I ignored him, going to my room, he pulled me back.

“HEY, I ASKED YOU A QUESTION” he shouted.

I laughed, as he hit me one more time, it was his first time, and hoped it’d be his last, I was not in the mood for this. He left me, although there were continuous hits because of my misbehavior, but today I am able to laugh about it.  I slept for hours and all afternoon, surprisingly he didn’t wake me up.

CHAPTER 11 “There’s nothing in this lifetime that I hated more than goodbyes”

December, 2000, I knew this was the last day for me in Venterdorp, woke up earlier than ever before with such excitement. I ironed my clothes, polished my shoes, I had no tie by then I always wished I had one, as I had seen it as one of fancy garments.  I got to school; they handed out our reports and applied for a school transfer.  As soon as I was done, I was ready to face another path which I hoped it would be easier on me.

“You really are living?” a rhetorical question.

…Asked Moses Hector, who was my best friend by then.  I could see in his eyes that he wasn’t very pleased about it, but in mind I had already made it up as if it was my choice.  I just gave him a brotherly hug and told him I’ll keep in touch. Earlier that evening my cousin Khido came from Joburg.

READ  Final CHAPTER 16 "I knew if I had stopped for some time just to take a look in the mirror and give the reflection as much affection as I would to anyone, all would be well"

“Isaac, you were rejected in my school because they don’t have the subjects you doing” she said.

For some reason I was pleased that it had been rejected, because I wanted to be close to my aunt, I knew she was my last option, which it was never going to be rejected. I knew for a fact that public schools accept anyone.  I was ready for a new start. I remember, I packed all my clothes, took a long nap, in exactly 11:49pm I saw rays of lights coming through the windows, as soon as I heard a car horn I was ready to hit the road.

Next Chapter: CHAPTER 15: “My life began at 13 years, 13th of June 2003, 9:00am.”, “Unrevealed truths”, “and Memories”

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